I am sad. There's no real way around it... Like the mountain - can't go over it, can't go under it and again, I certainly can't go around it (but I'm working on getting through it.)
But in the haze of tears (and there have been and will be many) I feel so incredibly fortunate and blessed.
Sometimes, I feel so consumed by anger and grief that it's hard to see my way through it. So to help clear my vision I count my blessings for my friends who held me up when I didn't think I could stand (they are still holding me up... and I imagine they will continue to do so for a while yet.)
I say a prayer of thanks for my friends; my friends' parents and our family that are watching out for Mum... it makes me breathe slightly easier since I'm not there. And although my heart feels a bit broken and a sort of full all at once, I thank my colleagues for their help and the families at school for their love and understanding. I can't even express how grateful I am for Phill, so I'm not going to even try. Same goes for Faiza. And... And... And... The list could go on and on and on... So far, I do this little exercise every night. It helps.
I was feeling particularly blue last week... Then I was assailed with tokens of love (I dismantled and ate the beautiful gift basket, but below are photos of some of the wonderful pick me ups I received.) There are beautiful and thoughtful cards sprinkled throughout the house and flowers in my classroom that are not shown below, but well appreciated nonetheless.
After a few days back... this was handed to me one morning.
These flowers greeted me on Tuesday after work, with a lovely card from the school.
This brought a tear to my eye but a smile to my heart. What beautiful children. I'm going to frame this one.