Letter To My Baby

I wrote this a couple of days ago - now that Miss Two-And-A-Half is learning to put herself to sleep, I am filled with irrational sadness... this was the goal, wasn't it? To have her self-regulate, without tears? To put herself to sleep so we didn't spend hours putting her to sleep each night? I am so happy at her success, but so sad at the same time - how is time going so fast? I know I'm not alone in this feeling...

So I thought I would share.

Today you fell asleep on me, baby.
It's been such a long time since you've fallen asleep in my arms at night - not for wont of you trying. We're always trying to get you into bed, to cajole you in with cuddles and promises of more stories, in the hopes you'll start putting yourself to sleep... because "You're a big girl now."
But today you snuggled in for our cuddle and sighed so sweetly - after a minute I felt that telltale heaviness and heard that change in your breathing, and I knew you had drifted off to The Land of Nod.
And I loved it.
I held you for a while and enjoyed the feeling of your weight in my arms, the heaviness of your head on my shoulder and your little arms entwined around my neck.
I felt our love all around us, filling the room.
I savoured that moment, because I knew that would probably be the last time it happened.
They tell you that the hardest thing is that you don't realise it'll be the 'last time' and you forget to enjoy it.
So I like to think that you gave me that 'last time' as a gift, because you seemed to know that I needed it as much as you did.
Thank you, baby. 
It's a moment I will never forget.

Love you,
Mum

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Take A Photo, Mummy!

Today I am so grateful for those words. I worked from home today and managed to finish all my report cards!

So I bundled up walked to daycare to get Miss Two. As we walked home, she kept stopping to admire different things and saying, "Take a photo, Mummy!"

The first photo - of the clouds she thought were beautiful. 

A photo of the moon. She gets very excited when she sees the moon, especially in the daytime. 

"I love it, Mummy! I love the clouds!"

Thank you for reminding me to take my time and admire the moon and clouds, baby. I am so lucky to have you. 

Post Baby Body Promise

I'm going through a post-baby body issue. From talking to my friends and reading bits and bobs online, this is totally normal. It's nothing new. But it's new to me, so bear with me, please... (but really, if you can't laugh about it, as per the comic above... all is lost!)

I've never been thin as an adult/teenager. Ever. I've always had body issues, and I can openly admit that. (Although, like many others, I'd love to have my 17 year old body back. Cliched or not, I didn't realise how good I had it!) I know it's not realistic to expect my pre-baby body back right away (even 9 months on, I'm no where close to it.)

So today, I was busy feeling sorry for myself for gaining all the weight I lost before getting pregnant. Then I looked up and I saw my girl staring at me from her perch on Phill's knee, and she broke into one of her gorgeous, gummy smiles.

And what I saw was love. So much love. So much acceptance. Acceptance of me, just the way I am. My many wobbly bits, unkempt hair, and the crooked scar that now runs across the base of my belly. The belly that carried, protected, sheltered and nurtured her for 38 weeks. The belly that she cuddles into and squishes when she's sleepy. My arms, that I bemoan for losing their definition, she sees as safety - a home that will always be there for her, to enfold and cuddle her when she needs it. She doesn't see the dark circles under my eyes, or the skin that is less than radiant. She sees that she makes my heart smile - a smile that reaches my eyes and makes them twinkle. My baby girl sees my value more clearly than I do.

I have now made a promise to love myself as much as Phillip and Akina love me. 

I'm so very blessed.

10 Things I Never Thought I'd Say... Then I Had A Baby

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While chattering inanely to my daughter today, I heard some of the strange things I now say (on a regular basis)...

In no particular order, at some point I have said (more than likely many times):

• Under no circumstances are you to put your fingers in my nose.
• Here, gnaw on my finger dear.
• Please hold still while I pick your nose.
• Did you enjoy sucking on my chin?
• Meh, it's only a bit of spew - it'll dry and you won't really be able to see it.
• Please, please, please poop.
• I need more tutus.
• You know, pureed pumpkin, carrot and beef actually doesn't taste too bad.
• I had heaps of sleep last night - 5 hours in a row!
• I wonder how easily I can expose my breast in this top...

How life changes.

Knitting Round Up

So things have been a bit busy and my knitting needles haven't been able to go full speed ahead, but here are my latest projects (and by latest, I mean dating back to November 2012.) (I also ripped apart several projects - WIP #1 & #3 from this post - after baby girl was born, so my output's been a bit low.)



A little bolero cardigan in a beautiful, warm, light merino that my darling girl has enjoyed wearing. Love how it turned out, but sewing the edging on was a pain in the behind. This was my first finished project after she was born! It took 4 months... There was very little knitting time to begin with. Thankfully that's changing.

 

My second project after her birth... I was keen to try out doing cables. They weren't nearly as hard as I thought as they would be. I also love how this vest turned out. Made with a beautiful Alpaca/Merino blend wool from Skeinz. This one only took a month!

Hands down, my favourite project. Last year when we went to visit our new niece in Feilding, we stopped at my favourite wool shop on the way and I picked up some more wool. I fell in love with this colourway (aptly named Watermelon) and had to have it. When I found out I was expecting, I was secretly hoping it was a girl so I could knit her something special with my beautiful wool. The pattern was actually quite easy and pleasant knitting. This one also took a month.

Smittens - a holiday garland... next time I knit a Christmas gift for a friend, I will start it earlier than mid-November - especially if it's a big project like this one. I'm thrilled with how it turned out though (and I think Bexki liked it!) Also, an Advent Calendar, given on Christmas Eve means that the recipient can open 24 little gifts the next day! I used scraps, leftovers and the wool I dyed with Kool-Aid (so those little mittens smelled delicious!) (This one should be first, but it keeps getting bumped down... I did this one while preggers and kept me busy while I was in and out of hospital in December. If it wasn't for those hospital visits, I doubt it would have gotten finished in time!)

I'm presently working on another wee vest for a friend's boy, finishing a sock and eyeing up hat patterns for a baby that is due in December (Just to clarify, not my baby due in December. A family member's bub.) I missed the soothing sounds of my clickety-clacking needles.




A Prayer From A New Parent

Thank you, Lord for this little bundle of gorgeousness and love you've blessed our family with. We've waited a long time for this gift, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Thank you for trusting us with the immense job of raising this innocent wee child and guiding her into adulthood. It's a daunting task, this parenthood thing and we'll need some help along the way. I'm a little bit scared to tell you the truth.

First of all, please give me strength not to be a helicopter parent when she starts school. Being a teacher, I really (really) worry about this. Give me the strength to trust that her teachers understand that she is my treasure and like myself, they are doing the best they can... for all the children in their care (including my baby.) (This is of course irrelevant, should I ever become her teacher. In that case, please give me the strength to be my child's school teacher and the ability to separate home and school for the good of both of us!!)

Next, give me the common sense and strength not to spoil her silly. I already want to give her the world. Help me to teach her that material things and "stuff" are not what will to make her happiest. Give me the strength not to give in to her every whim (thank you, Mum & Dad for not giving in to my every whim) because I understand while some of her interests and passions will endure, many will be passing fancies.

Give me the guidance to teach her about the important things in life, without being preachy. Family, friends, love, gratitude, faith, kindness, confidence, determination and perseverance (at 5 months, she already seems to have those last two in spades!) to name but a few...

Help me become a better role model for her, so I can show her the afore mentioned "important things" and so she understands how vital it is that she take care of her health and maintain balance. Help me to be more confident and comfortable with my body, so my issues are not projected onto her. I want her to love herself and her body exactly the way it is.

How do I teach her to make good decisions? To be independent, yet ask for help when she needs it?

While I'm on that topic, please remind me to ask for help when I need it. I'm not Superwoman. I can't cope all the time, I know that, but it's hard to ask for help.

Back to my baby - make me strong enough to teach her the consequences of her actions, both positive and negative... especially when I have to dish out negative consequences - I'm sure at some point, I'll have to do it... I hope I'm not too soft.

Give me the strength to let her make her own mistakes and to learn from them, but also to let her go when the time comes.

Please let my daughter understand that physical beauty is not the be all and end all of existence. Let her know that her beauty lies within also. Intelligence, empathy, generosity and kindness are beautiful... let her find that balance between being kind and generous, without being a pushover. Teach her that it's okay to want to look nice and be 'pretty' (however she chooses to define it) but it's also more than okay to get dirty and play in mud puddles.

Let her know her self worth as a woman. That she is capable of greatness and of anything she puts her mind to. Let her know not to settle for a man (or woman) who doesn't love her and doesn't treat her with the respect that she deserves. Let her know that her heart will be broken, and it will mend itself in time, with the help of ice cream, cuddles, laughter and lots of love from her family and girlfriends.

Most of all, help me to convey to her that she can talk to us. Trust us. Turn to us when she's in trouble and know that we will be there to pick her up after she falls... sometimes we'll catch her, but we won't be able to all the time.

There's more. There will always be more when it comes to my precious baby. Just help me do right by her, please... whatever that may be.

Thank you.

Love,

The Alphabet of Gratitude Is Resurrected! (W)

Oh hello blogosphere, how I missed you.

The last months of my pregnancy were a bit harder than expected, so blogging fell by the wayside once again as sleep and my health took precedence... fair enough, I think!

The first few months of motherhood were (are) also a bit harder going than expected (nothing prepared me for it, let's be honest) so again, blogging wasn't happening (knitting has also taken a back seat. This motherhood thing is hard core.)

So things are starting to settle and we're finding our groove as a little family and I have been so overwhelmed with gratitude at being blessed with our baby girl. Even when things are hard going, I am so thankful for her and my gorgeous Phillip (and how very patient he is. How very, very patient.)

There's another thing I'm thankful for... Women. When I had bubba, my midwife kept asking if there was a group of ladies that I met up with or talked to regularly. I now know why she kept emphasising the importance of having a women friends in the same situation. I have a couple of girlfriends who get a lot of phone calls and who come to visit me fairly regularly. For them, I am eternally grateful.

Beyond that though, there's a group I belong to on Facebook - a group of women who all had babies due in January 2013. That is the only thing that we had in common. It's all we needed.

These women are a lifeline, not only for me, but for a lot of the ladies on there. We bear our souls to each other, share our fears, joys and milestones in our own and our babies' lives. They have saved me on more than one occasion. We prop each other up with kind words, advice and love (so much of all of it!) I get a lot of that from Phill, I really do and I'm so lucky (even if I tend to grumble about him) but it's just different from women... and it saves me from texting him a million times a day while he's at work (instead he only gets about a hundred a day.)

There's something incredibly special about a community of women - a group of strangers who have come together simply to support and care for one another. I feel like it's love in one of its purest forms. I've made some fantastic friends and am lucky enough to have a support network of incredible women.

So grateful for all the women in my life and the special relationships we can develop and nurture with each other.

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Hippo's Baby Brother

So a month later, I've finally finished the second hippo for another friend's bub.

He's a bit more trim than his purple sister, but still quite endearing.

I loved using this squishy wool from The Wool Company,  I bought it from a lovely parent who donated it for use in class and when I spied it, I implored her (quite shamelessly) to let me buy it from her.  She wasn't fussed and I ended up with another lovely skein of squishy wool from one of my favourite shops (as if I needed more.)

This means I can start knitting for my own bub next!  I'm very excited to pick my pattern and the perfect wool for my baby!

Hungry, Hungry Hippo!

I'm in hippo love.  I'm so taken with its chubby gorgeousness, that I'm powering through a second one already... I just have to decide which one of my soft toys I like best and start one for my baby!

Chubby and lovely and squishy.

I love the little tassel on the tail!

I honestly can't decide which of my soft toys I like best - do any of you have a preference?

Awwwww...

I've been full of gratitude for the past 15 weeks or so (since we found out we were having a baby.)  While it's been hard not to shout it from the rooftops (however, in my excitement, I may have let it slip a bit early at work) it's been really hard not to tell my students.  Especially when about two months ago, one of them sat down to tell me that she thought I'd be a really good mum (when I decided to have kids.)  Oooooh, I had to bite my tongue quite hard that day!

They make me crazy often sometimes but they are such loving, sweet, wonderful people.  They were so excited on Friday when I finally got to tell them that I was having a baby.  They were also full of questions... (Will the baby be dark or light when it comes out?  When you eat, is the baby eating too?  You mean you're pregnant NOW; AS IN RIGHT NOW?  Eeeew.  Do you know what you're having?  Would you be offended if we took bets if you were having a boy or a girl?  Are you going to knit for your baby?  What are you going to knit?)

I got lots of messages from parents to congratulate us today, but I was greeted with a present to say congrats.  Such a lovely start to the day.  

The card said: Tezneem and Baby... Dear Tez, Congratulations!  You will be the perfect mother.  Remember "****" is a great name for a girl!  Lots of love (hugs too), xoxoxox

 

What can I say?  Just so grateful that I'm lucky enough to have such a caring class.