Oh, My Little Heart

Happy birthday to me!

I got the most lovely gift from my class today... A few of them said gorgeous things about me (one of them even thanked me for being firm with her) and I cried like a baby when they proudly showed off this little slide show that they put together.

My heart is full. What gorgeous children.

So... How Did I Cope Today?

Fine.  Pretty well actually.  I'm a bit put out because I've managed to get a bit of a yucky cold which has progressively worsened through the day.  But today was okay.  It was okay because once again, I've been propped up by the very strong hands, shoulders and (some long distance) hugs of my friends and family, both here and around the world. 

An oldie, but a goodie.

I told my class today that I was a bit sad and they had to be gentle with me, and I told them why.  Then I quickly sent them off to get started with their days as the tears started to well up in my eyes and my voice cracked.  One of my girls made a beeline towards me to give me a cuddle to cheer me up and I waved her away explaining that it would make me cry even more.  She nodded very knowingly and smiled and went off to start her day.  Upon seeing that I had collected myself and I was smiling away at something someone said, she came over and said "Is now okay?  You need a cuddle."  Bless her.  I'm so glad I didn't stay home today - I'm surrounded by so much love and goodness everyday.  (And they were very gentle with me - quite lovely, actually.) 

via

Oh. Man.

Every year, I think it's the hardest year to say goodbye to my students who leave me, but I think that they're just so awesome during the year, I forget how my heart breaks and swells all at once on the last day.  Quite frankly, it's emotionally exhausting!  I had an a lot of students leave at the end of this year, so it was a bit hard.

On Wednesday, we had our Montessori Leaving Assembly to say goodbye to our students who have completed the Montessori Cycle and are moving on to another school.  Generally, I'm a blubbering mess on that day - I was pleased that I held it together so well on Wednesday... I cracked a tear when in his farewell speech, one of my boys thanked me especially and said that I taught him "important life lessons beyond academics and how to be a compassionate individual."  My heart twisted a bit, but I mostly kept it together.  Oh.  Man. (#1.)

In a card yesterday, a parent thanked me for "helping shape xxxxx into a mature young man, although he's still got a long way to go, you've given him the best start possible..." again, my heart twisted.  Tears!  Oh.  Man.  (#2) 

But today was hardest.  I was doing alright.  Teared up when I got another beautiful card from a parent, but the tears didn't actually brim over.  Oh yeah!  We said goodbye to our 5/6 students first and I felt my eyes getting a bit wet when I looked at their cheeky grins, sparkly eyes and just gorgeous smiles.  But I was good!  I held it together and made it all the way to morning tea.  Thought I was awesome.

And then...

"So... uh... Tez, we lied and we weren't actually doing anything for the yearbook - the intermediate leavers have organised a gift for you and there was no parental input in this at all.  We just wanted to say thank you to you."  OH!  MAN!  (#3)  Tears, tears, tears.

Not only did they give me a GORGEOUS eco-cup for my morning coffees, but the card... inside were the sweet and heartfelt messages...

Kept it together a bit...

But then... I read this poem that one of my girls wrote...

Oh.  Man.  Tears.  (#4 & #5)

But it was this message that sent me straight over the edge.  It's not only filled my eyes with many tears, but filled my heart with love, pride and a bit of selfish sorrow that she's going.  She hugged me several times at the end of the day, so we cried together (more than once.)

Oh.  Man.  So many tears!  (#6, #7 & #8) 

Ten years ago when I decided to be a teacher, I hoped and prayed that I would make some sort of an impact on children's lives.  I actually still hope for the same thing, each and every day.  Today, however, was one of my high points in my career - it rates up there with when I left home and one of my boys organised all the students sign a Hockey Canada t-shirt that he bought me.  (I cried my eyes out then too, but it was only my 3rd year teaching and I was too cool to cry in front of them, so I hid in the bathroom and sniffled away.) 

I really do love my job... so grateful and so blessed.

exhaustion tempered by gratitude

I'm exhausted for all the right reasons.
I'm too tired to write heaps, but feel like I'm going to explode with gratitude, so I had to share why I'm loving life so much (in no particular order...)

1. Great zoo trip yesterday - I love the zoo!
2. Cultural Fair today was AWESOME.  The children who organised it did a GREAT job and the parents were an incredible help.  The assembly in the afternoon was fabulous and everyone was well impressed with my students' square dancing.  Particularly grateful that no one was absent and I didn't have to get up there and dance in their place!



The sign they started yesterday and finished this morning (just in time too!)
















3. I'm going home TOMORROW!!  (and finally get to check out the international Air NZ Lounge!)
4. Tomorrow is the last day of Term 3 - only 8 more weeks of school until the long holidays, summer and beaches.
5. I was bone tired today and was lucky enough to be served a lovely dinner by a lovely husband while I was sprawled in my chair.
6. I'm going to see Noah and Maya and give them the stuffed toys I made with so much love (and swearing.)
7. I'm going to see my Mum, Navaz and Shazeen!
8. And my friends!
9. I got lovely letters from my Year 8 students that I mentored for exhibition (not from my class.)  It was a great opportunity to get to know some awesome kids that I don't get a chance to work with very often.  My favourite lines: "You have made this exhibition a whole lot better with your happy and cheery personality day after day which has kept me motivated.  You have helped me become more of a role model because you are such a great role model yourself."   and "Once again I would like to thank you for givng up your time to help us make our presentation.  And being the best mentor ever!" 
10. I got some beautiful cards (and a box of chocolates which came in handy at the zoo yesterday) from a couple of my students recently... it made me cry when I read "I am so greatful that I can now not be hurt inside.  I am also great-ful you have helped me with my Dislexia."  (How much do I love that this child spelled Dyslexia wrong?!)  "I know that they (classmates) are better but a know even more that I am better than them at somthing they are not... I can't imagine not having a teacher like you when I go (next year.)"  (It was very hard not to correct that as I was typing!) (The words in blue were written with sparkly blue pen.)  When I asked their mum about it, she said it was all her children's words - she didn't prompt them one bit.  Gorgeous!
11. This is my 100th blog post!
12. I'm now going to up to my bed, and I have a roof over my head, a full tummy and am blessed with all that I need for a happy, safe and secure life.

Blessings

In times of sorrow, it is amazing the abundance of blessings that surround us.

I am sad.  There's no real way around it... Like the mountain - can't go over it, can't go under it and again, I certainly can't go around it (but I'm working on getting through it.)

But in the haze of tears (and there have been and will be many) I feel so incredibly fortunate and blessed.

Sometimes, I feel so consumed by anger and grief that it's hard to see my way through it.  So to help clear my vision I count my blessings for my friends who held me up when I didn't think I could stand (they are still holding me up... and I imagine they will continue to do so for a while yet.) 

I say a prayer of thanks for my friends; my friends' parents and our family that are watching out for Mum... it makes me breathe slightly easier since I'm not there.  And although my heart feels a bit broken and a sort of full all at once, I thank my colleagues for their help and the families at school for their love and understanding.  I can't even express how grateful I am for Phill, so I'm not going to even try.  Same goes for Faiza.  And... And... And... The list could go on and on and on...  So far, I do this little exercise every night.  It helps. 

I was feeling particularly blue last week... Then I was assailed with tokens of love (I dismantled and ate the beautiful gift basket, but below are photos of some of the wonderful pick me ups I received.)  There are beautiful and thoughtful cards sprinkled throughout the house and flowers in my classroom that are not shown below, but well appreciated nonetheless.

After a few days back... this was handed to me one morning.

These flowers greeted me on Tuesday after work, with a lovely card from the school.

I got these ones on Friday from a family in the Montessori Unit - hand delivered, along with a few big hugs. 

This brought a tear to my eye but a smile to my heart.  What beautiful children.  I'm going to frame this one.

Just lucky and thankful to be so loved.