Oh, My Little Heart

Happy birthday to me!

I got the most lovely gift from my class today... A few of them said gorgeous things about me (one of them even thanked me for being firm with her) and I cried like a baby when they proudly showed off this little slide show that they put together.

My heart is full. What gorgeous children.

Letter To My Baby

I wrote this a couple of days ago - now that Miss Two-And-A-Half is learning to put herself to sleep, I am filled with irrational sadness... this was the goal, wasn't it? To have her self-regulate, without tears? To put herself to sleep so we didn't spend hours putting her to sleep each night? I am so happy at her success, but so sad at the same time - how is time going so fast? I know I'm not alone in this feeling...

So I thought I would share.

Today you fell asleep on me, baby.
It's been such a long time since you've fallen asleep in my arms at night - not for wont of you trying. We're always trying to get you into bed, to cajole you in with cuddles and promises of more stories, in the hopes you'll start putting yourself to sleep... because "You're a big girl now."
But today you snuggled in for our cuddle and sighed so sweetly - after a minute I felt that telltale heaviness and heard that change in your breathing, and I knew you had drifted off to The Land of Nod.
And I loved it.
I held you for a while and enjoyed the feeling of your weight in my arms, the heaviness of your head on my shoulder and your little arms entwined around my neck.
I felt our love all around us, filling the room.
I savoured that moment, because I knew that would probably be the last time it happened.
They tell you that the hardest thing is that you don't realise it'll be the 'last time' and you forget to enjoy it.
So I like to think that you gave me that 'last time' as a gift, because you seemed to know that I needed it as much as you did.
Thank you, baby. 
It's a moment I will never forget.

Love you,
Mum

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How Do I Love Thee?

It has been a bit of a hard month, so some gratitude won't go amiss today. 

Eight years ago today, we got engaged. Every day, I am grateful for our love, our life together and our baby. 

Purls of Love

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The other day the owner of daycare asked if I could find a bit of spare time to knit a couple of beanies for the kids that come to school without hats on these chilly winter days (for a range of reasons, but a number of them just don't have enough warm clothes.) There are a lot of children in that class. I don't knit very fast, nor do I have heaps of knitting time, but I am keen to do what I can though.

So I asked on my FB knitting page and a number of people have come back and volunteered to do hats for the children - some are doing socks and slippers too!

I am humbled by the generosity of these gorgeous knitters I have never met... I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it.

I Wore A Yellow Dress Today

Because you are bound to have a good day in such a happy colour. 

Not so today. 

Days like today are most important to practise gratitude. 

1. A wonderful, wonderful co-worker turning around (while driving home) after I rang him to come help me change my flat tire. 

2. An equally as wonderful co-worker seeing me at the side of the road and stopping to see if I was okay and jumping in to start changing my tire (he even got his pants dirty.)

3. My baby, who was delerious with joy to see me when I finally made it to daycare to get her. 

4. My students giving me hugs when they came in today and telling me that they missed me. 

5. A beautiful sunrise and the hint of a rainbow. 

It was a hard day... But I still have so much to be thankful for. Things do happen for a reason...  

Take A Photo, Mummy!

Today I am so grateful for those words. I worked from home today and managed to finish all my report cards!

So I bundled up walked to daycare to get Miss Two. As we walked home, she kept stopping to admire different things and saying, "Take a photo, Mummy!"

The first photo - of the clouds she thought were beautiful. 

A photo of the moon. She gets very excited when she sees the moon, especially in the daytime. 

"I love it, Mummy! I love the clouds!"

Thank you for reminding me to take my time and admire the moon and clouds, baby. I am so lucky to have you. 

Bursting To Share Our Success!

I make no secret of the fact that I love my job. I am very lucky to have fallen into the perfect career for me (and yes, I did fall into it... it was not that path I had planned.)

As with any job, there are a host of challenges that are inherent within it... But oh my goodness, it is ever rewarding, fulfilling and uplifting. Being a Montessori teacher (any kind of teacher, actually) can break your heart (for hundreds of different reasons) and it can also fill your heart. It can fill your heart to its capacity and beyond; so much so, that you think it is going to explode.

I had some amaaaaaaaaazing moments today, which I am SO grateful for. I just had to share them with you!

• One of my intermediate mums came to thank me this morning for whatever I have been doing with her daughter/working with her on in her writing. She told me it's spilled over to her general attitude towards school and her work in general. She is excited and motivated to come to school and is happier. What a GREAT way to start the day!! (Thank you, Mum of student! You have no idea HOW much that meant to me!!) 
• Today's reading group told me that they are really enjoyed the work I'm giving them to do after reading their book.
• As a follow up activity to their reading, I asked them to create a timeline of events for what's happened so far in the story. I told them to do whatever they wanted or present it however they wanted. Then I went off for a couple of hours to plan their next unit. When I came in at lunchtime to do some marking, I was blown away with what they had done in the hour and a half I was gone. It was AMAZING. (They didn't have to go away and work on it then, they all chose to.) Almost all of them had used the previous lessons and learning to build upon to create these fantastic timelines!! Woot! Score one for me and explicit teaching of reading comprehension strategies! Check these out!
  

  

  
• A child from another class asked me today (after a small explanation of what Montessori is) how he could "join Montessori." SO CUTE! 

It's all coming together!! (And it's our success, because it's just as much the children's success as it is mine.) 

Dipping My Toes In

In an effort to regain some balance in my life, I have resolved to start writing again. 

The problem is that I would write, rewrite, edit, rewrite, add photos, rewrite and then maybe publish. I just don't have that kind of time anymore. 

So I will start small with something big.

Gratitude. 

Today, I am grateful that my baby loves her crazy Aunty and her nana so very much. 

I am grateful that I got to see Mum on FaceTime, which instantly made me feel less sick. 

I am especially grateful to be living here, in a safe, peaceful country where I am freely allowed to practise my (peaceful) religion. 

I am grateful for you and all those I hold dear in my heart. 

Ten Years At Our Montessori Unit

Tomorrow, it will be eleven years since I arrived in New Zealand; Monday will mark my tenth year teaching at the Montessori Unit at our school. A decade! At the same school! I have seen families come and go; I have taught all the children in some families (so I have known some for almost that entire time), and right now there are students in my class that I remember as toddlers or preschoolers who insisted on wearing the same dress every day (and this child's mother despairing over it!)

Today, my ten year anniversary was celebrated with some of my friends from school and with our Montessori family.

I have to say it...

I am one lucky girl.



After listening to a song written and composed by a student (who sang SO sweetly); watching one of my students dance (I wish I was that graceful); receiving thoughtfully handmade gifts/poems from the children, as well as beautiful flowers and gifts from the Montessori Board of Trustees, then listening to very kind words about me (and taking note of the stories that were kindly left out), I blubbed my way through thanking everyone there.

My co-workers, families at school and the Montessori Trust have not only been my friends over the past years, but have been my support system and been part of my New Zealand family.

I am so thankful - my heart is very full... and I know, I am loved.

(I actually have cake, not chocolate, but the thought is much the same!)  via

Finally Complete - The Letter "Z"

My lovely Phillipa reminded me that I hadn't finished my alphabet yet, and I asked on Facebook ages ago for suggestions of what I could do for the letter "Z."

The suggestions included: zoos, zebras, Zahrina, 'za and zzzzzzzzzzz's...

The winner is: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Yes... that sweet, sweet sound of sleep. Since becoming a mum, I have realised why sleep deprivation is used as a torture device. I love my baby more than I ever could have believed possible, but the lack of sleep is brutal. Every once in a while, she sleeps through the night, and I do a little happy dance in the morning.

Sometimes, I even get a mid-day nap... and it is sweeeeeeeeeet.

So there we have it. I am grateful for zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's... (uninterrupted ones, please!)

Beautiful

Beauty can be found in the ugliest of places... roses have bloomed all through our compost heap and by the bin. It made me so happy.

Flowers and Weeds

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I read a wonderful blog post today - while it was aimed at parents, it had a relevant message for any audience (I highly recommend reading it. Just lovely).  It's best summed up by the last paragraph.

"By making it a daily practice to notice all that is good in your life, the joy in your heart has the tendency to overflow. And when it does, you are able to funnel that excess love and happiness straight into the hearts of those you most want to see smile."

I used to do that. I used to actively practise gratitude (as per this blog), but somewhere along the way it fell by the by.  It somehow got pushed into the "Too Much Effort" basket it got covered with washing that needed to be done/folded/put away. (Blogging also sometimes falls under that pile of washing too - my problem is that I take too long to write/edit/reread my posts.  I must stop being so pedantic. I digress. I do that too much too).

It's not really that much effort (the gratitude AND the blogging).

So here goes today's effort:

Baby girl's woken up three times tonight to be resettled (weeds), but I didn't put her to bed so I got to do the last resettle and got lovely kisses and cuddles and a sigh of contentment when I went up (flowers).

I had to do the grocery shopping tonight (weeds), but enjoyed a little bit of quiet time to myself (flowers).

What were your flowers and weeds today?

(Just as an aside, I have to post this ridiculously cute video of this baby. Got me a touch teary and had me singing to baby girl all day. So much love!)

I have *just* noticed that I've lost all my blog pictures when I moved my account over to gmail (weeds), but that gives me a chance to look through old pictures I enjoy when I get a chance (flowers). (I admit it, that one's a stretch.)

The Alphabet of Gratitude Is Resurrected! (W)

Oh hello blogosphere, how I missed you.

The last months of my pregnancy were a bit harder than expected, so blogging fell by the wayside once again as sleep and my health took precedence... fair enough, I think!

The first few months of motherhood were (are) also a bit harder going than expected (nothing prepared me for it, let's be honest) so again, blogging wasn't happening (knitting has also taken a back seat. This motherhood thing is hard core.)

So things are starting to settle and we're finding our groove as a little family and I have been so overwhelmed with gratitude at being blessed with our baby girl. Even when things are hard going, I am so thankful for her and my gorgeous Phillip (and how very patient he is. How very, very patient.)

There's another thing I'm thankful for... Women. When I had bubba, my midwife kept asking if there was a group of ladies that I met up with or talked to regularly. I now know why she kept emphasising the importance of having a women friends in the same situation. I have a couple of girlfriends who get a lot of phone calls and who come to visit me fairly regularly. For them, I am eternally grateful.

Beyond that though, there's a group I belong to on Facebook - a group of women who all had babies due in January 2013. That is the only thing that we had in common. It's all we needed.

These women are a lifeline, not only for me, but for a lot of the ladies on there. We bear our souls to each other, share our fears, joys and milestones in our own and our babies' lives. They have saved me on more than one occasion. We prop each other up with kind words, advice and love (so much of all of it!) I get a lot of that from Phill, I really do and I'm so lucky (even if I tend to grumble about him) but it's just different from women... and it saves me from texting him a million times a day while he's at work (instead he only gets about a hundred a day.)

There's something incredibly special about a community of women - a group of strangers who have come together simply to support and care for one another. I feel like it's love in one of its purest forms. I've made some fantastic friends and am lucky enough to have a support network of incredible women.

So grateful for all the women in my life and the special relationships we can develop and nurture with each other.

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Yes, October!

My Facebook newsfeed is full of comments that say things along the lines of "October?  Where did the year go?" or  "October already?" and so on and so forth... which gave me pause to think for a short moment (because my attention span is that much shorter now... sort of like a gnat... this post has taken all day... I'm not kidding.  A gnat.)

YES!  Yes indeed, it is October!  And I for one, am SUPER excited!  I have always loved October, regardless of the hemisphere I've lived in.  October is awesome.

I love a good Wordle!

First of all, it's my birthday month.  I freakin' love my birthday.  A lot.  More than simple words can explain (but I will still try.)  My birthday is my day to unabashedly celebrate my wonderful life, blessings, achievements, accomplishments, and what the future may hold.  How can I not be fond of a day so full of blessings, love and promise?  This October is extra special because at the end of this particular October, I'll be in my last trimester and almost 30 weeks pregnant... again, the promise of the future is almost too much joy to bear... The mind boggles!  Score one (or even two) for October!

Next - the weather.  Some may think me nuts, but when I was in Canada, I loved the crispness in the autumn air; the vibrant reds, oranges and yellows of the leaves changing and the myriad of cozy sweaters and the autumn wardrobe (my favourite of all seasons for fashion.)  Bliss.  It doesn't stop there!  Pumpkin pie; apple pie; amazing, crispy apples; those lovely pumpkiny lattes from Starbucks and Thanksgiving (which is a whole host of other wonderful familial blessings!  Let's not get into the fun of Halloween and the cute little ones in their costumes!!)  In New Zealand, the weather starts warming up (while unpredictable) the rainy days are punctuated by brilliant sunshine and the birds singing in a cacophony outside my window in the morning.  Veggies are planted in the garden, the air is fresh and smells like springtime.  Lambs frolic and bounce in Cornwall Park (so cute, it's almost stupid!) and it's the time of year where the ducks start herding their ducklings across our school grounds.  It happens every year and I'm looking forward to it again this year!  More promise for the future.  October - that's another point for you, my friend!

The Don Valley Parkway in autumn.via

Cute!  Lovely Lamb in Cornwall Park! via

In addition to that wonderfulness, there's school!  Up north, school (work) is starting to get into the swing of things, getting a handle on your classroom and starting to chug along - it's a feeling of excitement of what the year will bring - the children are bright eyed and bushy tailed.  Alternatively, down south it's starting to wind down, to see the end of a long year and the long awaited break is on its way!  Woo hoo - I'm glad to be on that end this year.  October - you're doing pretty well in the points tally.

So yes, it's October - it's about time!  I'm so glad you're finally here!

What's your favourite thing about October?

Awwwww...

I've been full of gratitude for the past 15 weeks or so (since we found out we were having a baby.)  While it's been hard not to shout it from the rooftops (however, in my excitement, I may have let it slip a bit early at work) it's been really hard not to tell my students.  Especially when about two months ago, one of them sat down to tell me that she thought I'd be a really good mum (when I decided to have kids.)  Oooooh, I had to bite my tongue quite hard that day!

They make me crazy often sometimes but they are such loving, sweet, wonderful people.  They were so excited on Friday when I finally got to tell them that I was having a baby.  They were also full of questions... (Will the baby be dark or light when it comes out?  When you eat, is the baby eating too?  You mean you're pregnant NOW; AS IN RIGHT NOW?  Eeeew.  Do you know what you're having?  Would you be offended if we took bets if you were having a boy or a girl?  Are you going to knit for your baby?  What are you going to knit?)

I got lots of messages from parents to congratulate us today, but I was greeted with a present to say congrats.  Such a lovely start to the day.  

The card said: Tezneem and Baby... Dear Tez, Congratulations!  You will be the perfect mother.  Remember "****" is a great name for a girl!  Lots of love (hugs too), xoxoxox

 

What can I say?  Just so grateful that I'm lucky enough to have such a caring class.

A Timely Reminder

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I love my job.  I really do, but it's no secret that sometimes it's a bit challenging.  I've found this week particularly challenging so far (yes, today is only Wednesday.)  Occasionally, it makes me question my effectiveness as a teacher (and it was one of those weeks.)  Monday was no good at all, Tuesday was average, and today was getting better, so things were on the up and up. 

Then, the universe sent me a message (via a former parent of a student I was lucky enough to teach for 7 years...)

Hi Tez

I'm doing a bragging parent thing which is boring I know (!) but I'm so proud of my girl.  She was awarded Academic Honours at school yesterday, given to top 20 students in each year based on their grade point average in semester 1.  I couldn't believe it actually but just shows how hard she is working.  That work ethic must have started with you!!

I hope all is going well with you.  I think of you all a lot.

Cheers

<xxx>

*sigh* Humbled by the universe and so thankful for the reminder that I'm doing the right thing (I may have burst into tears after reading that.)

A Reminder...

My friend led a staff meeting last year - this comic was included and dedicated to me. via

Yesterday I went on a trip with my Year 5/6 students.  There's a student teacher in one of the other classes now who used to be one of 'my parents.'  I've been lucky enough to teach two of her three (gorgeous) daughters when they were in the Montessori Unit.  She was telling me about a student that I worked with in the Unit in my first year there, upon whom I left a lasting impression (a good one).  The thing is, he was never my student.  I interacted with him no more than 10 times, while I was in the 9-12 class (I was teaching in the 6-9 class at that time) and I was covering the class while the teacher was at Morning Tea.  I'm not sure what I did for this child (er... young man now - he's 21 - ugh), or what was so different, but something I did affected him - enough that it's stayed with him, nine years later.  Being the sap that I am, if I wasn't on a trip,  I would have burst into tears right then and there (I managed to keep it together though.)  I just felt like it was such a powerful reminder of the effect teachers can have on any students they interact with on a day-to-day; week-to-week or month-to-month basis.  So thankful that I left some sort of positive impact in a child's life! 

I try to revisit this poem at least once a year... for a small reminder...

A Teacher's Revelation:
I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom.
It's my personal approach that creates the climate. 
It's my daily mood that makes the weather.
As a teacher I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child humanized or de-humanized.

-- Haim Ginot, Child Psychologist via

Grateful For...

Amazing, supportive friends (& Phill.) 

I've always struggled with my weight.  I'm okay with that, and okay with aknowledging it - mostly because I'm very happy with myself the way I am.  I'm working to lose weight now, because I love myself enough to take care of my health for the future.

So along the lines of living with intention, I've finally taken the steps to do something about the need to lose weight.

I have a personal trainer.  He's a bit sadistic but deep down inside, I'm quite fond of him when I don't want to cry from pain after my workouts.  I suppose, it's a good thing that he pushes me to exceed what I think I'm capable of, and I'm always very proud of myself after I work out.  He's an awesome trainer and I highly recommend him to anyone in the Auckland area.  I'm particularly fussy about my trainers and have gone through many of them, so I know a good trainer when I meet them.
 

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Mosytly though, I'm so unbelievably thankful for the support of my fantastic friends.  My friends are aware of my goals.  They keep me honest, encourage me, support me, push me when I need it, and most importantly give me a good kick up the bum when I need it!  

So... overall, I'm down 5 kg (11 lbs) and around 4 cm (nearly 2") all over.  I'm pretty chuffed. 

Let's be honest - I've been working my butt off so I deserve this, but that doesn't stop me from being grateful for my friends who are helping me along the way.

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What Warmed My Heart Today

It's the second day of school and so far, I love my class.  Every year, I feel so blessed to be working with such a great group of people (adults and children.)

I got nine new Year 5 students in my class this year (Grade 4 students) after a mass exodus of students at the end of last year (maybe I'm preparing them too well, so they feel well equipped to leave the safety of our Montessori class!)  In these nine new students, I have some very interesting personalities.  One of my new students (child x) is a bit different and definitely has some learning and social preferences (I prefer preference to challenge) but a very sweet child, nonetheless.

Like in any classroom (not just a Montessori class) the start of the year is very full on and busy, busy, busy.  There's scarcely a moment to breathe, let alone sit down... so today, child x gave me their book to look at after finishing a bit of writing work, I put it down on the table to look over.  At the same time, child y was mucking about, so like any other teacher would, I gave child y 'the glare' and put my hand out for him to hand me the thing he was playing around with.  Child x looked at me, looked at my hand, and promptly put his hand in mine and held it - sweetly, gently and calmly... and he looked so genuinely delighted that I wanted to hold his hand, my heart melted and I stopped, took a deep breath, enjoyed the moment and let my heart fill up with love and gratitude.

What was your favourite moment today?

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