Letter To My Baby

I wrote this a couple of days ago - now that Miss Two-And-A-Half is learning to put herself to sleep, I am filled with irrational sadness... this was the goal, wasn't it? To have her self-regulate, without tears? To put herself to sleep so we didn't spend hours putting her to sleep each night? I am so happy at her success, but so sad at the same time - how is time going so fast? I know I'm not alone in this feeling...

So I thought I would share.

Today you fell asleep on me, baby.
It's been such a long time since you've fallen asleep in my arms at night - not for wont of you trying. We're always trying to get you into bed, to cajole you in with cuddles and promises of more stories, in the hopes you'll start putting yourself to sleep... because "You're a big girl now."
But today you snuggled in for our cuddle and sighed so sweetly - after a minute I felt that telltale heaviness and heard that change in your breathing, and I knew you had drifted off to The Land of Nod.
And I loved it.
I held you for a while and enjoyed the feeling of your weight in my arms, the heaviness of your head on my shoulder and your little arms entwined around my neck.
I felt our love all around us, filling the room.
I savoured that moment, because I knew that would probably be the last time it happened.
They tell you that the hardest thing is that you don't realise it'll be the 'last time' and you forget to enjoy it.
So I like to think that you gave me that 'last time' as a gift, because you seemed to know that I needed it as much as you did.
Thank you, baby. 
It's a moment I will never forget.

Love you,
Mum

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