Friday, 30 December 2011

I'm Actually More Clever Than What I Give Myself Credit For

I really am.

You see, I'm in a blue funk.  I have been for a few days.  I've been short-tempered with Phill, (and bless him, he's taken it all in stride - this man truly is a gift to me from God), I really didn't want to leave the house today.  I had things to do, errands to run, but I dug my toes in and refused to leave the house.  I was dressed in the morning and around midday, I changed into my slobby house clothes - that's how bad it was!  In the end I did leave the house, since I had plans to go to Phillipa & Truman's for a bbq (Rebecca and I kindly invited ourselves over - so glad I went, because it was good fun - more on that tomorrow.)  But now,  I am home again, back to feeling that awful empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to cry my eyes out.

I'm not sure what it is or why it is, but it's there.

So... I don't like it.  Then I thought I'd work on my Alphabet of Gratitude, since I'm so close to done.  Of course, that left me at 'x.'  Earlier today, I wandered around the internet for a while and stumbled upon this blog today, by a beautiful, gorgeous, loving soul named Dyamond.  It made me smile.  It was a bit of what I needed.  So I went back there and read some more and smiled some more.  Felt some warmth creeping in to fill that empty pit.

Then, I thought I'd look for that book I wrote about ages ago to see what they had for 'x.'  So I searched for it on my own blog... and I am actually more clever than what I give myself credit for.  There it says, in my own computerized-stylized hand "If you're feeling a bit like you're lost in the wilderness, or even if you're just in a little spot of a blue funk, this is definitely a book worth picking up."

That's exactly how I'm feeling.

The amazing thing is that the simple act of writing about this little book over a year ago, shows me now that I have the foresight, strength and fortitude to pull myself out of any blue funk I may be ensconced in.  It's okay to be in a blue funk sometimes as long as you allow yourself the time to feel and understand what's behind it, but then we have to remember to use the tools, friends, relationship and love (for ourselves and others) we have to pull us out to the other side.

I guess on some level, what I'm trying to say is that I think it's pretty fantastic that I didn't need anyone else to start pulling me out this time - I just needed to look back on some of my own wise words and realise that what I need already lies within me.

2 comments:

Faiza said...

Sorry to hear that you are in a blue funk. I love this quote, "As long as we're caught up in always looking for certainty and happiness, rather than honoring the taste and smell and quality of exactly what is happening, as long as we're always running from discomfort, we're going to be caught in a cycle of unhappiness and discomfort, and we will feel weaker and weaker. This way of seeing helps us develop inner strength. And what's especially encouraging is the view that inner strength is available to us at just the moment when we think that we've hit the bottom, when things are at their worst." (from Pema Chodran's Practicing Peace in Time of War)

Listen to what your blue funk is telling you and be okay with that state and part of who you are because in the end you are more purple funky than blue funk! :)

tez said...

Thanks lovely - that's a very powerful quote and makes a lot of sense. I try to listen to my funk, but not wallow in it - does that make sense? I woke up this morning feeling pretty fantastic, so blue's lifting and maybe some purple's pushing in? :)

Love you!
xx

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