I've never been thin as an adult/teenager. Ever. I've always had body issues, and I can openly admit that. (Although, like many others, I'd love to have my 17 year old body back. Cliched or not, I didn't realise how good I had it!) I know it's not realistic to expect my pre-baby body back right away (even 9 months on, I'm no where close to it.)
So today, I was busy feeling sorry for myself for gaining all the weight I lost before getting pregnant. Then I looked up and I saw my girl staring at me from her perch on Phill's knee, and she broke into one of her gorgeous, gummy smiles.
And what I saw was love. So much love. So much acceptance. Acceptance of me, just the way I am. My many wobbly bits, unkempt hair, and the crooked scar that now runs across the base of my belly. The belly that carried, protected, sheltered and nurtured her for 38 weeks. The belly that she cuddles into and squishes when she's sleepy. My arms, that I bemoan for losing their definition, she sees as safety - a home that will always be there for her, to enfold and cuddle her when she needs it. She doesn't see the dark circles under my eyes, or the skin that is less than radiant. She sees that she makes my heart smile - a smile that reaches my eyes and makes them twinkle. My baby girl sees my value more clearly than I do.
I have now made a promise to love myself as much as Phillip and Akina love me.
I'm so very blessed.
2 comments:
Do not worry. You'll get it back. :-) But you are also right about your baby's love. No matter what you look like, you'll always be Her Mummy.
I will get it back, in the meantime, there's lots of me for my baby girl to squish. :)
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